The Horribly Prolonged Adventures of the Right Admirable Falus Aboard the Drunken Parrot.


The below excerpt is taken from a comedic serial that I hope to make a regular feature on A Dark Moon in Orbit. Think Lucasarts ‘Monkey Island’ series crossed with a demented ‘Captain Pugwash.’


*           *           *

The Right Admirable Falus raised his ornate telescope and squinted into the distance. A rather tarnished eyepiece gazed back at him.

Who, or hwhat, is that?

The face was partially obscured. Sweeping his viewpoint higher, Falus wrinkled his nose at its strange adornments: a top hat, festooned with rotting grapes, and a rather preposterous feather poking out the top. Then, glancing downwards, he froze.

Behold, the lens seemed to say, a face that glistens with the frozen follicles of Hell itself.

One sarcastic hand reached up to stroke that jaunty chin, a sneer greasing its way forward.

The cold hand of fear held Falus’s itchy balls in its vice-like grip.

Mon dieu! Only one man alive could embroider a single gesture with such contempt.


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